Sunday, February 14, 2010

Love At First Sight Blogfest

Courtney Reese is hosting a blogfest over at her blog -- Courtney Reese. The blogfest is Love At First Sight. I am cheating (or not) and using an excerpt from my book Chosen. I'm using the first time Will, one of my main characters, "sees" Emma for the first time. Their relationship is anything but love at first sight and not the "'there's so much sexual tension we have to hate each or we'll jump each other right here" kind dislike. Think more "I think you're despicable and pathetic example of the human race" (Emma) and "you're the job I'm working and you're a pain in the ass." (Will) We're into Chapter 8 when we get to this scene.

A little background:
Will has been hired to bring Emma to an unknown, powerful group. He doesn't know why, he only knows that they are paying him well and she has to arrive alive. Emma doesn't know any of this. She and her five year old son, Jake, are traveling with Will because Jake insists that Emma stay with him, to Emma's horror. Jake has several "gifts." One is the ability to sometimes see things in the future. Jake will only tell Emma that she has to stay with Will because she needs him.

Right before this scene they have just been attacked, and almost killed, by different group of men who are after Jake. I'm including two snippets from this scene, with a sentence description of what occurs between the scene breaks.
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“Holy shit,” Will mumbled. Scratches and deep crevices dented the side of the truck, starting at the driver's door and angling to the back. Bullet holes riddled the body of the bed. "We're lucky we can open the door."

“Sorry.” Emma stood behind him taking in the damage.

“It’s okay. It's not your fault. You did great.” Will ran a hand through his hair and winced. “Better the truck than us.”

“Let me see your head.”

Will turned to face her and winked. “I bet you’d like to see…”

“Shut up. I was talking about your forehead.” The light of the full moon illuminated the dried blood that ran down his cheek. “Let me look at it.” She moved closer to him and reached up to touch his cheek.

“Careful Emma, I’ll think you’re trying to seduce me.” Beguilement laced his words.

“As if.” Her thumb brushed the hair off his forehead revealing a half inch gash. “We need to clean this up. Do you have a first aid kit?”

His reached up and wrapped his fingers her hand. “Can’t you just kiss it and make it better?”

Two hours earlier his comments would have pissed her off but her view of him shifted. He just risked his life to save her and Jake.

Emma laughed and pulled her hand away. “I don't think so. Do you know how many germs are in human saliva? I’m sure you have a first aid kit somewhere. A big boy like you carrying guns around should have band-aids for when things get a little too rough.”

****
(Emma cleans Will's forehead and says something that makes him angry)

****
What the hell had just happened to him? He never lost control, always kept his cool, yet he practically snapped her arm off, along with her head. Way not to look suspicious, dumb ass. Yet Emma took it in stride, looking at him like he sprouted another head but was too polite to say so. What the hell happened to her?

She's grateful. Gratitude made her feel indebted to him. A slow grin curved his mouth as he realized he could use that to his favor. He turned a fraction of an inch to watch her as she bent over the first aid box. She was pretty, no beautiful, but either she didn't realize it or tried to hide it, perhaps because of her years of hiding and trying to stay unnoticed. She used her abrasive exterior to keep people out. From what little he had seen, he was sure it was effective. He realized she only let her guard down because she thought she could trust him. The tiny stab of guilt he felt over that puzzled him, but he pushed it aside. There was something else different, something he couldn’t quite put his finger on. It came to him as she opened a bandage and placed it on his cut with a bewildering gentleness. Emma had lost her anger. Just as he rediscovered his. He had buried his anger years ago; for some reason it made a reappearance tonight. He quickly gained control and pushed it back down where it belonged, hidden in the past. Only not soon enough. The ancient wound reopened leaving him exposed until it scabbed over again.

Emma closed the lid to the first aid kit and turned her head to look at him and smiled, the smile she saved for Jake. The pureness of it caught him off guard and his heart tripped in surprise. She studied his face, her eyes holding his in a thoughtful gaze, mesmerizing him. The dark pools promised some unnamed consolation he had forgotten he craved. Until now. He clenched the water bottle in his hands, fighting the urge to touch her, yet unable to drag his eyes away. Her smile deepened with a look of tenderness that stabbed him to the core. He suppressed the impulse to suck in his breath. Emma lifted her hand to his face, placing her delicate fingers on his temple and stroked to his cheek with a feathery touch. She leaned over and her lips brushed his cheek, her breath hot on his face, hotter than the summer night’s air. He found himself drowning, drowning with a need he couldn’t name. His eyes sank closed involuntarily as his chest tightened and a white hot fire erupted in his gut. This wasn’t lust, a sensation he was all too familiar with. This was something else. And it scared him.

“See, I kissed it and made it better.” She whispered in his ear. Will wondered how she could speak at all, much less with the teasing tone she used. He was still trying to remember to breathe.

15 comments:

  1. OMiGosh you've changed this so much and it is WONDERFUL. I can feel their hesitation and resistance of the changes... but the inevitable that brings them together. This is coming together nicely. :)

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  2. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful. So much depth and power in their emotions. I love the interaction between Will and Emma; always have, always will and I can't wait to buy this book!

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  3. You've done a great job with these scenes. I really enjoy your voice and the deep emotion Jake feels toward Emma.

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  4. Beautifully done - Will is so busy preparing to take advantage a simple smile scythes him down.
    You have created a very readable voice for Will.

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  5. I love the juxtaposed points of view. Will's is especially powerful ("This was something else. And it scared him.") Great writing!

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  6. Very well done--I love the verbal interaction between them, and the last line is perfection. ;-)

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  7. I love the way you take Will's voice from teasing bravado to vulnerable. I really like him, and this excerpt makes me want to read more. Excellent.

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  8. Oh I like this! While I knew why he felt the way he did in the original version, this version explains it so much better. It flows nicer I think.

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  9. Oh my word, I love the dialogue in this!! And I ove the way that their hatred for one another is smoothly sliding into something else altogether.

    "See, I kissed it and made it better."

    Oh, that's good.

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  10. Your dialogue was awesome! I enjoyed having both points of view. I also loved the desperation he felt for her at the end. Great post.

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  11. This is fantastic. Yes, the dialogue is excellent, soooo natural and flow is right on target. And yes, I love that he's vulnerable but I REALLY love how he has that side of him that's kind of wicked, that he saw that she feels indebted and he was doing an internal evil grin :) So great. Also, was the open wound a metaphor for other, emotional wounds? I liked it :)

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  12. Late comment here.. i am always a day late nd a dollar short... love love it!

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  13. Lol, his rascally behavior at the beginning made me laugh.

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  14. Hey, Denise--did you ever find that fan of yours???? I want it. I need it, too! This is awesome. I love the sexual tension here! Wonderful job!!
    :)
    Thanks for visiting my blog!

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  15. Very nicely done! Good dialogue and inner turmoil in Will! Thanks for sharing!

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